http://stanley.pacion.googlepages.com/sexandhistory
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ROMANTIC,
Love Lockdown
I miss you, honey.
I miss going to dinner with you.
Everywhere I look, up and down the streets,
I keep thinking I see you.
It’s the damnedest thing!
By the way, I’ve decided to discard,
Throw out some of the poetry.
Of course, you must know why.
It has me loving you too much.
Oh! Those notes I took,
The notes of all our telephone conversations,
Sister, that’s a painful lot!
I documented all your promises, your assurances.
I made you repeat them.
I hoped thereby you might remember
Just how many times you had given me your word.
I wrote them all down, my questions, your answers.
I can look back, should anyone have interest,
And figure the exact dates of those, your pledges.
But the exercise would require work,
Because in the record of those,
Our long-distance dialogues,
I reckoned time according to lunar calendar.
They read, for instance, first, Monday, December.
Across one sheet I marked significant,
You had telephoned me from Florida the day
Directly following the second Harvest Moon,
A moon whose rise the previous night
I had sighted over Forest Avenue.
Upon those papers I sometimes drew
Regular zodiac signs, pretending knowledge,
Like some sorcerer of old,
Who predicated life’s lot on planetary whirl,
Who posited fortune from abstract,
A conjunction of heavenly bodies within a starry belt,
I was dream-wishing. It was make-believe, pathetic.
Might your last satellite communication, I wondered,
Be housed on plane with moon in constellation, Leo?
It all gets very primitive when dealing with you.
When I concentrate,
Concentrate on my abandon, on my love,
Really examine the extent of my feelings,
My heart wells, fills up like a balloon.
It’s ready to burst,
Overwhelmed, stretched to utmost circumference,
Its membrane reaches thinnest extreme,
It helps to explain
Just how sensitive I am to your every desire.
If I remember to relax,
Should I try and stop holding on,
Just simply let you go,
Then I can not help but feel gratitude,
Give thanks for the time
I had opportunity to spend with you.
At other times I fall to absolute delusion,
And believe I write great poetry,
The words I pen have immortality,
Celebrate you and me for the ages,
Carry real prophecy and moment,
True vision when I reveal my dreams of you.
I guess I believe we are constantly being born.
I go through all these thoughts, again – again,
Hoping against hope,
Seeking a glimmer, some glimmer,
Fingers crossed for incredible stroke of luck,
Trust your return to my arms once more.
I have a real problem;
It’s when I look about.
I see other couples, pairs, tight,
Together for the afternoon, daylight upon their faces,
All lovey-dovey, they walk along the avenues.
It bothers me seeing them; they sit in cafes and read
Newspapers and books, and sip from bottles of water.
I envy them. I do not have you.
World seems happier place
When people have each other to depend on,
And romance animates their bodies and faces.
I am sorry to conclude, you’re a mean person.
You went away, my sole companion now my work.
Am I making this up as I go along?
But you did go and I am home alone.
You left me all by myself with my freedom.
I fear I’ve fallen prey to mine own emptiness.
Were you mine, I swear I wouldn’t,
I wouldn’t share you with anybody, with anything.
It would be just you and me.
You’d be the center of it all!
It would feel more like love, sweet love,
Than me here sitting lost,
Trying to figure the situation, or
How I might say it proper, put it into this poem.
Hope I haven’t upset you.
Maybe that’s the real difficulty,
The source of us being driven apart,
I am just too romantic
You seek something other,
Maybe you are simply more practical, reasonable.
My flights of fancy and over-heated emotion,
Not things you have in mind.
Do not worry!
I have the capability of living with my beliefs.
But, darling, you must take pity,
Open your heart -- for you say you still love me.
Mercy please! Forgive me, I lack resolve.
I am unable to start anew, to make life without you.
I am still not over this thing of ours.
I haven’t gotten over it, the beauty,
All the wondrous times,
I haven’t gotten over my being with you.
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